Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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