Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
