I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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