Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
