if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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