Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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