Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
