I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
