I just cut my nipple shaving
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Operation Purity has been aborted
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
