i just wanna soil my oats bro
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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