wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
