Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
