Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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