im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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