She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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