It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
