I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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