i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
