Jerry, you need to find god
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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