If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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