my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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