How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
