There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you didnt know i had herpes?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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