i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
