if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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