I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
