I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
