There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
