Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize