I wish I could teleport
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
