apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
