You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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