hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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