After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
