I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
