just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
