just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
