well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
