you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
