How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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