Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
