i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
