of course. lets lasso hookers.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
