She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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