when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
