i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
