You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
