I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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