I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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