My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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