haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My vagina is very pro this idea
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