Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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