I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
