I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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