I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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