dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
