just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.