mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.