my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.