Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.