i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
