the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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