did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
