yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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