she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
