Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
