Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
